Save up to 20% off select gift cards
Enjoy fast, free delivery, exclusive deals, and award-winning movies & TV shows.
Buy new:
-41% $12.96
FREE delivery Tuesday, June 17 on orders shipped by Amazon over $35
Ships from: Amazon.com
Sold by: Amazon.com
$12.96 with 41 percent savings
List Price: $22.00
Get Fast, Free Shipping with Amazon Prime FREE Returns
FREE delivery Tuesday, June 17 on orders shipped by Amazon over $35
Or Prime members get FREE delivery Tomorrow, June 13. Order within 17 hrs 49 mins.
Arrives 2 days before Father's Day
In Stock
$$12.96 () Includes selected options. Includes initial monthly payment and selected options. Details
Price
Subtotal
$$12.96
Subtotal
Initial payment breakdown
Shipping cost, delivery date, and order total (including tax) shown at checkout.
Ships from
Amazon.com
Amazon.com
Ships from
Amazon.com
Sold by
Amazon.com
Amazon.com
Sold by
Amazon.com
Returns
30-day refund/replacement
30-day refund/replacement
This item can be returned in its original condition for a full refund or replacement within 30 days of receipt.
Payment
Secure transaction
Your transaction is secure
We work hard to protect your security and privacy. Our payment security system encrypts your information during transmission. We don’t share your credit card details with third-party sellers, and we don’t sell your information to others. Learn more
$12.05
Get Fast, Free Shipping with Amazon Prime FREE Returns
Book is in good condition and may include underlining highlighting and minimal wear. The book can also include From the library of labels. May not contain miscellaneous items toys dvds etc. . We offer 100% money back guarantee and 24 7 customer service. Free 2-day shipping with Amazon Prime! Book is in good condition and may include underlining highlighting and minimal wear. The book can also include From the library of labels. May not contain miscellaneous items toys dvds etc. . We offer 100% money back guarantee and 24 7 customer service. Free 2-day shipping with Amazon Prime! See less
FREE delivery Tuesday, June 17 on orders shipped by Amazon over $35
Or Prime members get FREE delivery Saturday, June 14. Order within 17 hrs 49 mins.
Arrives 1 day before Father's Day
Only 1 left in stock - order soon.
$$12.96 () Includes selected options. Includes initial monthly payment and selected options. Details
Price
Subtotal
$$12.96
Subtotal
Initial payment breakdown
Shipping cost, delivery date, and order total (including tax) shown at checkout.
Access codes and supplements are not guaranteed with used items.
Kindle app logo image

Download the free Kindle app and start reading Kindle books instantly on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.

Read instantly on your browser with Kindle for Web.

Using your mobile phone camera - scan the code below and download the Kindle app.

QR code to download the Kindle App

Follow the authors

Something went wrong. Please try your request again later.

Modern Kinship: A Queer Guide to Christian Marriage Paperback – January 8, 2019

4.6 out of 5 stars 94 ratings

{"desktop_buybox_group_1":[{"displayPrice":"$12.96","priceAmount":12.96,"currencySymbol":"$","integerValue":"12","decimalSeparator":".","fractionalValue":"96","symbolPosition":"left","hasSpace":false,"showFractionalPartIfEmpty":true,"offerListingId":"qU6DOSQW7JjEIbEnv4P65RfhrfZHqvQJKWVBDkgSSvi5KZivGEBJv7UCD013YzM3MtC3B7GyVEzSQcz509YIVmTvxHVemmRy2MPD%2BxPtFfCUIzngdwnIGuVEbD1fbqx8gwNDBryFBzHF6BELy4Vzmw%3D%3D","locale":"en-US","buyingOptionType":"NEW","aapiBuyingOptionIndex":0}, {"displayPrice":"$12.05","priceAmount":12.05,"currencySymbol":"$","integerValue":"12","decimalSeparator":".","fractionalValue":"05","symbolPosition":"left","hasSpace":false,"showFractionalPartIfEmpty":true,"offerListingId":"qU6DOSQW7JjEIbEnv4P65RfhrfZHqvQJS6MQ3jiilUiB6Z7fuW9ivq6z2F3MlId%2BpY5C%2BucuchCVuneGZ47h2k%2Bv0wlOrdtoupa8oUs9%2BmZLMWpeb3naFNk8QUb8O1agR8TTvA7IaiBRTg0SWD6JWIaSjnruVxB0mCmPbHDj%2BW2Qy2eGZrAmE0BMrJUvx82S","locale":"en-US","buyingOptionType":"USED","aapiBuyingOptionIndex":1}]}

Purchase options and add-ons

Same-sex marriage may be legal in America, but its still far from the accepted norm, especially in Christian circles. So where can LBGTQ Christians who desire a lifelong, covenantal relationship look for dating and marriage advice when Christian relationship guides have not only simply ignored but actively excluded same-sex couples?


David and Constantino Khalaf struggled to find relational role models and guidance throughout dating, their engagement, and the early months of their marriage. To fill this void, they began writing Modern Kinship, a blog exploring the unique challenges queer couples face on the road from singleness to marital bliss. Part personal reflection, part commentary, and full of practical advice, Modern Kinship explores the biblical concept of kinship from a twenty-first-century perspective. This important resource tackles subjects such as dating outside of smartphone apps, overcoming church and family issues, meeting your partners parents, deciding when and how to have children, and finding your mission as a couple. Modern Kinship encourages queer Christian couples to build God-centered partnerships of trust and mutuality.

The%20Amazon%20Book%20Review
The Amazon Book Review
Book recommendations, author interviews, editors' picks, and more. Read it now.

Frequently bought together

This item: Modern Kinship: A Queer Guide to Christian Marriage
$12.96
Get it as soon as Tuesday, Jun 17
In Stock
Ships from and sold by Amazon.com.
+
$11.79
Get it as soon as Tuesday, Jun 17
In Stock
Ships from and sold by Amazon.com.
Total price: $00
To see our price, add these items to your cart.
Details
Added to Cart
Choose items to buy together.

From the brand

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Rarely have I seen so much goodness and potential attributed to queer Christian marriages; in Modern Kinship, these sentiments are as abundant as hand fans in a Southern Baptist church. LGBTQ Christians can open the book and see reflected back the imago dei that’s within them and the people they care for."
Sojourners

In this much-needed book, David and Constantino Khalaf take the conversation around same-sex relationships in the church beyond apologetics, offering practical insight and wisdom for LGBTQ Christians seeking to find their way in the world of dating, love, sex, and marriage, all too often without the family and community support they deserve. Through their writing, the Khalafs also show how the faithful witness of same-sex Christian couples can enrich and inform the practice and understanding of marriage for all Christians, regardless of sexual orientation.
Matthew Vines, Executive Director of The Reformation Project and author of
God and the Gay Christian: The Biblical Case in Support of Same-Sex Relationships



David and Constantino Khalaf have given the LGBTQ Christian community several gifts. Together, they have taken years to work through some of the most crucial conversations and challenges facing an LGBTQ couple who may be seriously dating, engaged or even newly married. David and Tino, thoughtful relationship leaders, have now compiled their wisdom and experiences in this much-needed book. Marriage counseling is often unavailable for LGBTQ Christian couples. In its lieu, David and Tino have created an effective tool that encourages couples to have productive conversations about engagement and wedding plans, fidelity, family, and children. Their book is truly a gift.
Kathy Baldock, Executive Director of Canyonwalker Connections and author of
Walking the Bridgeless Canyon: Repairing the Breach between the Church and the LGBTQ Community



Christians are overdue for a marriage resource that is intentionally inclusive across all sexual orientations. Modern Kinship is an instant classic, helpful to couples of any arrangement including straight folks.
Mike McHargue, Host of
Ask Science Mike and Cofounder of The Liturgists



Couples in same-sex marriages have few places to turn to, and even fewer public examples, for modern, wise counsel on what it takes to build a healthy relationship that will last. Modern Kinship has arrived just in time. New information for and about same-sex committed relationships was the least of all the gifts I received from reading this book. This book brought me a new perspective on faith, fidelity, and what it really means to be a family. I m thrilled to be able to have something to offer same-sex couples who are looking for practical ways to build a life they love.
Michelle Peterson, Author of
#staymarried: A Couple s Devotional and Cohost of The#staymarried podcast



This book goes deep. Dave and Tino invite to think deeply, no matter our relationship status, and ask the questions: What does it mean to bring our full selves to our intimate relationships? Their stories of dating, navigating sexual ethics, working with shame, and figuring out how to do marriage as a gay Christian couple are full of hard-won wisdom. Modern Kinship is as practical as it is inspiring; it gives me great hope.
Matthias Roberts, Host of
Queerology: A Podcast on Belief and Being





Modern Kinship is the book that LGBTQ couples have been waiting for. David and Constantino Khalaf take on important and often taboo topics with both wisdom and vulnerability. Offering direction and hope to a marginalized group of people who have long been left out of marriage discussions, Modern Kinship not only validates the unions of LGBTQ couples but helps them last and thrive. I am grateful to finally have a resource for those who need life-giving advice on how to make their marriage last.
Amber Cantorna, National Speaker and Author of
Unashamed

I can t think of a better book when it comes to helping kinfolk in and around our church find belonging, purpose, and love available to all of us! Jesus invited us to embrace the kingdom of God that was among all of us. The Khalafs offer just that to those LGBTQ friends pursuing Christian marriage and allies supporting them along the way.
Adam Nicholas Phillips, Founding Pastor of Christ Church: Portland

--

As a pastor who was trained on conservative theology, my only knowledge of romantic relationships was based on cisgender heteronormativity. So when our son came out, we have no vision of what a nonhetero relationship would look like. As I ve gotten to know Dave and Tino, they have helped me see the beauty of what I had never seen. Their stories removed much of the fears I had for my gay son by undoing the harmful stereotypes that I was brought up with. And I m thankful that I now finally have a book that I can recommend to queer Christian couples. But the importance of this book is not limited to only queer couples; it is invaluable for parents of queer children who have little understanding of what a healthy, romantic, queer relationship looks like.
Pastor Danny Cortez, Founder of Estuary Space

--

About the Author

David and Constantino Khalaf are a married couple based in Portland, Oregon, who write the blog Modern Kinship to provide a model and guide for other LGBTQ Christians pursuing lifelong partnerships. Their writing also appears at the Gottman Institute, a leader in relationship counseling and advice.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Westminster John Knox Press
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ January 8, 2019
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 232 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0664264611
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0664264611
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 9.6 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.58 x 8.5 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 out of 5 stars 94 ratings

About the authors

Follow authors to get new release updates, plus improved recommendations.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
94 global ratings

Review this product

Share your thoughts with other customers

Customers say

Customers find the book insightful, with one noting how it offers unique perspectives on LGBT couples' lives. Moreover, the writing is well-crafted and accessible, and customers appreciate its honest and authentic approach throughout. Additionally, they value the book's heartfelt and vulnerable tone, with one customer highlighting how it provides a very transparent look at relationships.

18 customers mention "Insight"18 positive0 negative

Customers find the book insightful, with one customer noting how it directly applies to their life, while another appreciates how it offers perspective on LGBT relationships.

"...grace, maturity, patience, humility, and love that is necessary to make a marriage work...." Read more

"...Chapter 8: Forsaking All Others. The chapter opens with a discussion about divorce. Fidelity, exes, and being "off the market"...." Read more

"...While the book is clearly written for an LGBTQ audience either in married relationships or perhaps for those with the hope of that possibility in..." Read more

"...Once I dove in, I was struck by how relatable this perspective was for me, a straight woman in an interfaith marriage with a step-kid and..." Read more

10 customers mention "Heartfelt"10 positive0 negative

Customers describe the book as heartfelt and thoughtful, with one customer noting it offers a new perspective on life.

"...one day, the insights in this book will show you the vulnerability, grace, maturity, patience, humility, and love that is necessary to make a..." Read more

"...Faith is much bigger, much more inclusive, much more complex, and MUCH more loving than most of us have been taught...." Read more

"...The openly expressed love they have for each other is heart warming, and could change some anti-gay minds. (Looking at you, Mike Pence.)..." Read more

"...The Khalafs are thoughtful, genuine, and vulnerable throughout the recounting their stories of growing up, young adulthood, courtship, and marriage...." Read more

7 customers mention "Writing quality"7 positive0 negative

Customers find the book well written and accessible to read.

"...I haven't read anything like it before. Highly readable - meaning, I didn't want to put it down...." Read more

"...One of the best things about this book is that it is so well written, and includes deft humor." Read more

"...The book is easy and accessible to read, with built-in reflection questions for a small group leading...." Read more

"...The Khalaf’s excellent prose alongside a compelling discourse on the topic of queer marriage challenged me at times, had me wooing over their..." Read more

6 customers mention "Authenticity"6 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's honesty and authenticity, with one customer noting how the author bravely discloses differences in expectations.

"...they do a deep dive into their own relationship, bravely disclosing differences in expectations, for example, and how they overcome them...." Read more

"...The Khalafs are thoughtful, genuine, and vulnerable throughout the recounting their stories of growing up, young adulthood, courtship, and marriage...." Read more

"...It's thoughtful, practical, and fearlessly honest...." Read more

"...It is also beautifully written, honest, touching, thoughtful, much to chew on, and most of all--encouraging! THANK YOU!" Read more

6 customers mention "Readability"6 positive0 negative

Customers find the book readable, with one mentioning it was worth the wait.

"...in this book will show you the vulnerability, grace, maturity, patience, humility, and love that is necessary to make a marriage work...." Read more

"...I really enjoyed this book. I normally take longer to read a book, but I engaged with all of the stories and just didn't want to stop!..." Read more

"...Defintiely worth a read." Read more

"Highly recommend this book!..." Read more

5 customers mention "Vulnerability"5 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's vulnerability, with one mentioning how it shares authentic and personal experiences.

"...to marrying one day, the insights in this book will show you the vulnerability, grace, maturity, patience, humility, and love that is necessary to..." Read more

"...David and Constantino Khalaf share their authentic and vulnerable experiences of meeting one another and their marriage, including topics of shame,..." Read more

"...The Khalafs are thoughtful, genuine, and vulnerable throughout the recounting their stories of growing up, young adulthood, courtship, and marriage...." Read more

"...and Constantino tell their own story with humor, wit, and enormous vulnerability, they also devote nearly half their book to incorporating a variety..." Read more

3 customers mention "Intimacy"3 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's approach to intimacy, with one noting how the authors are very transparent about their own relationship.

"...and their marriage, including topics of shame, uncertainty/certainty, intimacy, family dynamics, support from community and more...." Read more

"...are wise, compassionate, sometimes funny, and very transparent with their own relationship as they navigate the difficult journey of being gay..." Read more

"...The book is practical, well written, and very candid. I appreciate the real-life stories and overall objective viewpoints...." Read more

Fantastic for Church Small Group
5 out of 5 stars
Fantastic for Church Small Group
Our church small group read this book over 10 weeks, and we loved it! Our group’s conversation was very rich often encouraged from the Questions for Reflection included at the end of each chapter. David and Constantino Khalaf share their authentic and vulnerable experiences of meeting one another and their marriage, including topics of shame, uncertainty/certainty, intimacy, family dynamics, support from community and more. They dive into the daily and practical aspects of being married, including their conflicts. The book is easy and accessible to read, with built-in reflection questions for a small group leading. It helps both LGBTQ and straight Christians to think deeper about their own lives and the experiences of others. Great for single people and married people. As many other LGBTQ authors are unmarried people, it’s so great to have a book co-authored by a gay married couple, so that marriage between two men can be seen more deeply than just a theological abstraction. And in a world, where many Christian LGBTQ books are focused on either coming out stories or theological arguments, this book is refreshing.
Thank you for your feedback
Sorry, there was an error
Sorry we couldn't load the review

Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on April 18, 2020
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    It's about time.

    With virtually all the Christian books written in recent years regarding same-sex marriage, here's one annoying thing that both affirming and non-affirming authors have in common:

    So far, NEITHER SIDE has bothered to bring up the experiences of actual gay Christians in actual same-sex marriages!

    If you want to know whether two people of the same gender can enter into a loving, monogamous, lifelong, God-honoring covenant together, it seems a no-brainer to ***ask the couples who are already doing that***!

    David and Tino are one such couple, and I pray they'll be the first of many gay Christian couples to speak up and demand that the non-affirming church addresses them specifically, the next time it has something to say about same-sex marriage.

    Along with opening up their own marriage to the world (with all of its beauty, struggles, and hard-earned lessons) Dave and Tino also lift up the voices of various others who discuss what God has revealed to them about marriage through the LGBTQ community.

    If you're a gay Christian (or even an LGBTQ nonbeliever) who looks forward to marrying one day, the insights in this book will show you the vulnerability, grace, maturity, patience, humility, and love that is necessary to make a marriage work.

    As a gay Christian who's been married for a while now, it made my heart smile to see Dave and Tino reveal so much about themselves that made me go, "Yup, that sounds a lot like what me and my husband went through." Of course, it was also interesting to see them speak about marriage in other ways I couldn't quite relate to, or in some cases disagreed with... but they do mention that their experience alone cannot accurately represent all gay Christians in general. Again, I hope to hear the testimonies from many more gay Christian married couples in the near future.

    If you're a non-affirming / straight / married Christian who is convinced that God does not bless same-sex marriage, consider this as essential reading. You'll be surprised to find things about Dave and Tino's marriage that might 1) enrich your own marriage, and/or 2) look similar to your own marriage. If anything about Dave and Tino's marriage feels surprisingly familiar to yours in a positive way, it's worth asking what would happen if the Christian church stopped jumping to conclusions about gay marriage being a threat. Consider this book as evidence to the contrary.

    And once you're done reading, ask yourself if the lessons God taught Dave and Tino are lessons *all* Christians would be blessed to learn.
    3 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on January 20, 2019
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    My only question is, when is the book tour? I would enjoy hearing the authors speak about the book, the writing process, the reactions, answering questions, etc. Then I will ask for more from these authors (sequel!!).
    This is a very enjoyable book. I haven't read anything like it before. Highly readable - meaning, I didn't want to put it down.
    I was curious about the title, Modern Kinship. I didn't have a ready definition for the term kinship. The authors take care of that in the introduction. After the intro, I felt like I knew where we were going with the book.
    I won't give away any of the stories, since you really need to read the book. But a few things stood out to me, so I will describe them below...
    Chapter 3: Complications in Coupling. There were a few a-ha points in this chapter, "Heterosexual Christians, unless they're violating some other dating taboo, never question the acceptability of their relationship. They might doubt a specific partner, but not the act of partnering." Also with the discussion about the use of the term boyfriend or girlfriend. Being public, being a role model couple, whether you want to be or not, is also in this chapter.
    Chapter 5: In Search of Support. I took away ideas about how marriage involves the community in addition to the two persons married. An LGBTQ couple might not have the community support they need to strengthen and uphold their relationship. The authors point out it's not just LGBTQ couples, but single people. Church and many other communities are designed for couples. There are parallels between LGBTQ couples being left to the side and single people being left out. Find your tribe!
    Chapter 6: Engagement Pains. The authors give a little information about historical context for marriage, then they describe their own definition of marriage. One of my favorite quotes from the book is in this chapter, "We think marriage is ultimately about the establishment of kinship and about the obligations that come with it. Love plays a critical role in marriage, and it has remained a cornerstone of ours. But we knew, even back when we were just two lovebirds getting to know each other, that it is not enough for the long haul. We talk a lot about kinship because we are convinced that it is that bond - the notion that another person can be your flesh and bone - that establishes a marriage's foundation." The marriage proposal is in this chapter also! And, Constantino tells the story of his attempts at reconciliation with his family. A reader who has experienced family rejection will connect with Constantino's story.
    Chapter 8: Forsaking All Others. The chapter opens with a discussion about divorce. Fidelity, exes, and being "off the market". When reading this chapter I kept thinking, do couples talk about these things while dating, while married? I think they should.
    Chapter 10: On the Other Side of Vows. The pastor giving the Khalafs pre-marital counseling gave them some advice: "He said the bulk of daily conflicts in marriage arise when we have differing expectations that we fail to communicate to each other." The section "The Togetherness Tug of War" was really valuable to me, because I sometimes need downtime/alone-time, but don't always communicate that to others.
    I really enjoyed this book. I normally take longer to read a book, but I engaged with all of the stories and just didn't want to stop!
    Note: there are questions for discussion at the end of each chapter, so this book could be done in a book club/Sunday school discussion group!
    5 people found this helpful
    Report

Top reviews from other countries

  • Fordeco Jun.
    5.0 out of 5 stars A very useful book on relationships, whether you are straight or gay.
    Reviewed in Australia on January 31, 2019
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Anyone in a relationship, or contemplating one, would benefit from reading the book. Of particular interest are the deep insights into the realities of moving into a same-sex marriage while holding on to a Christian faith.
    One person found this helpful
    Report